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"And so polite. Introduce yourself, sir," she said to the morose subaltern whose knees quivered."Ensign Freeman, Charles Godfrey Freeman actually," the young man stammered out. "Coldstream Guards, sir, ladies." He stood as tall as he could with a long tether dangling from his wrists. His uniform was impeccably tailored and shone with glittering buttons and French lace."Ah, the Foot Guards, don't believed we've talked with any of them," I said, looking at his clenched toes."He claims to know all sorts of wonderful things," Joanna said, lifting the corner of her mouth in a knowing smile. "Quite proud of himself, he is. Though he had little to be vain about I fear." Indeed?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the young man. "And do you think he will share with us?" Oh yes," the girl said. "He's most caring of his tiny ballocks and their shrunken, little companion, and if you should threaten to deprive him of those delicacies, I believe he will sing like a bird."I looked at the young officer. As an eight-year paramedic he had a very good knowledge of the Heritage metropolitan area. As such he knew that that address was in North Heritage, just outside the city limits, less than two blocks from the skuzzy trailer park where his ex-wife Debbie lived with her mother."Do you know anyone who lives near there?" the supervisor asked. "When things like this happen, we've found that it is usually someone that the victim knows who..." Oh I know someone over there all right," he said. "Can you take the forward off so my mail comes back to my house now?"He punched a few keys. "Done," he said."Very good. Now who do I talk to about pressing charges against this person? This is against the law, right?" Oh yes," he said. "It's tampering with the mail and mail theft. It's a federal offense. That's in addition to any state charges they might have incurred by misuse of the information that they gained." Good, so who do I talk to?" Well, I'll pass the information onto the postal inspector's.
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